Wow, it's been awhile! I don't really have that great of an excuse for not writing other than I got lazy. I'm going to try and make more of an effort to write more posts from now on. Life is busy and good, so there is no reason not to share what is going on. Cam is constantly changing and growing; it's such a great experience and adventure every day. I have been having these really strong mental thoughts lately about not wanting to let go of Cam. I think it all stemmed from my trip to Barcelona (well the one I was supposed to go on, but I'll explain that later). I was keeping busy with everything around me, that I didn't have much time to think about leaving and what it would be like to say farewell to Cam and James to go away for 10 days. Maybe I was subconsciously trying to think about it, cause every time someone would ask me if I was excited to, then the thoughts would slowly start to seep in about Cam's well being without me. I mean, don't get me wrong, James is a great, loving and caring father, but it's me that runs to Cam in the middle of the night when he cries. It's me he wants when he gets hurt. I'm the one to give him a bottle and tuck him in at night, so what would it be like when he discovers I'm not there to do any of it? The rationale part of me knows he would survive. The other side of me (the emotional side) would start to tear up thinking he needs me to be there for him and that I am failing him as a mother to always be there for him, for none other than the selfish reason of wanting to get away on a break. Knowing I would be across the world with no responsibilities and having fun in a city/country I have yet to discover felt almost wrong. Is that weird? All of a sudden future thoughts would flash through my head of Cam's first day of school, then letting him go to university and then, of course, marriage. My baby would soon be all grown up and gone before I know it. I now have felt the uncontrollable feeling of never wanting your baby to grow up. I want to hold him and never let go. As I was going through all my photos of Cam as a newborn and now as an 18 month old, I am in awe of how much he has grown up and changed in such a short time. I think this stage is my favourite. Seeing him discover and learn so many things right now brings the biggest smile to my face and makes my heart so filled with joy. He makes me laugh, cry and sometimes makes me frustrated, but these are the best days of my life, by far. Now as for my trip to Barcelona, I was supposed to leave Friday evening with a girl friend, but due to some unfortunate health complications, we had to cancel last minute. I am bummed, but it would have been terrible had we had left and she fell ill while there. I just hope she gets back to good health quickly. Sometimes the expression, "everything happens for a reason," sounds cliché, but I do believe it. Maybe I just wasn't supposed to go this time around. Cam is battling his first cough, so I couldn't imagine leaving him while he is feeling so bad. So, on Friday night, rather than spending it on a flight to the warm city of Barcelona, I spent it watching a Sens game with James, his dad and two brothers and Cam. Now, it's not my idea of the time of my life, but I still love spending time with family no what the occasion because they are the most important people in my life and I want Cam to grow up cherishing all of them.
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